Gordon Ball
from I am sorry. Sincerely, Frankenstein.
2009

A former tenant of my new home had an Economist subscription from which I am currently benefiting.  Evidently, having an Economist subscription does not require the intelligence to change your mailing address.

This is all to say that, over breakfast this morning, I read an interesting article suggesting that the reasons behind relatively early sexual maturity in women might be more complex than simply "(lack of) daddy" issues.

Three notable close-calls from The Telegraph's 50 most-viewed Wikipedia articles in 2008 and 2009.

#12 World War II (29,736) vs. #13 Twitter (28,511)

#16 Lil Wayne (26,210) vs. #17 Adolf Hitler (25,481)

#36 Vagina (22,295) vs. #37 List of House episodes (21,950)

Thanks Dr. Matt

AAAHHH!!!

More from your nightmares here.

Head Gear
Gord Peteran

Later,

Love,

Mom

My WTF Moment of the Morning

Dear Jimmy,
I picked up this postcard of you when I was fifteen because I thought you were cute and funny.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate you on accomplishing so much with your career over these last seven years. You are now the host of your very own show! I've heard it's not very funny, but maybe it will get better? I'm admittedly a little bitter that Conan is no longer in New York. He's just such a New York kinda guy. I will work hard to put this undeserved hostility to rest.
Love always,
Alice

He's not even President anymore!
--jaded and disgruntled youth on Clinton's speech today

And the Pursuit of Happiness, by Maira Kalman: I Lift My Lamp Beside the Golden Door

Goodbye Matthew!

I even deleted thirty-four facebook friends in your honour.

LADIES: IF YOU DANCE WITH GOD, HE'LL LET THE PERFECT GUY CUT IN.

My new obsession, brought to us by Facebook: Abstinence Isn't Easy, But Neither are You

There's just so much material here that it's hard to know where to start.

Discussion topics include:

Nudity...Is it the same as sex?

Anal: A great way to maintain one's virginity?

Masturbation: Good or Bad

This might get old fast, but for now I kinda dig it.
EDIT: GREAT ALBUM. (Optimistic Werewolf!)

Jon Hamm Fantasy: Ruined.

...I know that reading isn't as easy to do as turning on a television or getting on the Internet or twittering or whatever else you have to do in this modern society, but it's way more rewarding.

THANKS A LOT, OPRAH.

Ladies, throw out that silk!

EL: Do men really care what you’re wearing?

Dr. PA: If he just wants sex he doesn’t care what you’re wearing. If you have a vagina that’s all he cares about. But if he’s looking for someone to relate to then he cares. Think like you’re going to an interview.

EL: What shouldn’t you wear?

Dr. PA: Don’t wear silk, silk sweats and shows anxiety. I don’t want you to sweat in front of him. It gives away the store. Then he can muscle power you into sex. And you give away the whole thing, all because you wore silk. Men are very visual.

More from Dr. Pat Allen...

John and Ava, perhaps this might make you reconsider Australia.

"Keeping a family is truly some gangster shit."

The upside? Good material for Knight's memoir.

I call this one "MMMMMMM alone at the corporate-sponsored vegetable plate drinking delicious corporate beer."
The culmination of my university career, perhaps? Meh, ok.

Sex as the filter

HBO & Dan Savage -- my two favourites -- are working on a Savage Love pilot.
I'm obviously intrigued, but am super super super hesitant about this for two reasons: first, I don't want to watch ugly people talk about sex; second, the description that the show "will focus on current events and cultural trends with sex as the filter" makes me cringe. Isn't sex always the filter? I guess we'll have just to wait and see. This at least sounds better than "Dan Savage: The Musical," also in the works.

Sheron Rupp
Untitled (Bayside,Ontario,Canada)
1995

American apocalypse

In a poll from Slate about scenarios most likely to cause the end of America, gay marriage ranks 39/144, just below hyperinflation (a more likely scenario in a fiat-money economy) and above militant Islam.

What can I say? These people deserve everything they get.

Ben Katchor

Margaux Young, 2009

Summer is finally here!
It's not going to last though.
No time for blogging, I'll be outside instead. 

Wow. Africa is such a babe. Those guys do not stand a chance with her!

French Chris at the drive-in

NJ, 1979

Greer and Robert on the bed

NYC, 1982

Simon and Jessica in the shower

Paris, 2001

I think it is honsety in Nan Goldin's work that prevents her pictures from being schlocky.

And yes, schlocky is a word.

I still get anxious thinking about running in gym class.
I wasn't the fat kid, but I was always a mere few paces ahead of the fat kid.
My tentatiave status among the cool kids was always the most tentative on the track.
To this day, one of my greatest accomplishments was becoming a special helper to Mr.E, my last gym teacher. I kept track of my fellow students' running times, distances, among other statistics. Mr. E gave me my one and only phys ed "A".

So, in yet another effort to slowly, one-by-one, overcome a long-list of childhood traumas, I've decided to take up running. My efforts will probably fail (I know, I know, what a great attitude to start with), but my mom told me last night that perfection shouldn't be a priority.

One of my favourite excuses for not running is the classic knee excuse: "I don't run because it's bad for your knees." Wrong. I don't run because I'm lazy. Coincidentally, the NY TIMES published this article today questioning this very belief. Seems like a sign to shape up.

The. Best. Thing. I've. Done. In. A. While.
They deserve better venues.
And fewer frat boys.

Signs of the Apocalypse

He wrote books, then he died.
--William Faulkner, on what a writer's obituary should read

kanye

Diseases I'm Glad Aren't Sexually Transmitted.

BY SCOTT DOMANSKY

cancer

alcoholism

avian flu

scabies

illiteracy

leprosy

disco fever

polio

sleep apnea

shame

More Lists

Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful.

BY JEN STATSKY

yo Abe, r u still going 2 the theatr 2nite? hve a weird feeling bout it, y dont u and mary cum by here instead? dont wnt 2 talk about slavery all nite tho, its my weekend 2 u kno? txt me back

hey just wnted 2 give the heads up, CC on way w 3 shps, want 2 colonize u. dont giv n unless u think casinos r gr8. txt me back

hey u, horse = greeks. dont let in. did i leave my toga @ ur place? txt me back

wut up Romeo, its ur boy the friar. gave ur girl sum shit, not dead. mayb u could giv it 2 her in her sleep tho lol. brunch tomoro? txt me back

british r cuming, british r cuming, british r cuming. dont feel like goin out 2nite but txt me back 2 let me kno u got this

More Lists

Signs Your Doctor May Be Coming On to You.

BY WENDY MOLYNEUX


He asks you to turn your head to the side and say "I love you."

He Photoshops his picture onto an X-ray of your heart.

His lab coat says "Tight Butts Drive Me Nuts" on the back.

When you lie down on the examination table, he insists on spooning.

Before examining you, he washes his hands in Obsession by Calvin Klein.

He tells you that you have "sexy cancer."

While giving you a Pap smear, he "finds" an engagement ring,

More Lists

Fortune-Cookie Messages Appropriate for Dickens Characters.

BY JULIA McCLOY AND TRAVIS TYLER

Your streak of meeting weird people with preposterous names will continue unabated.

You are never selfish with your advice or your help, even when you are dead.

Smiling can make you feel and look younger and less like an orphan.

A firm friendship will be your secret to financial success. That and realizing you were rich all along.

You bring cheer to children and the elderly as well as TB.

You will meet an ugly stranger. He is your father.

It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. Your lucky numbers are 45, 17, and 23

More Lists

dethjunkie

APPARENTLY MY ACADEMIC CAREER HAS DEVOLVED INTO DRINKING AND PLAYING MAGNETIC DARTS WHILE WRITING.

Got caught today in the thunderstorm with a backpack full of library books and handwritten notes.
Tried to wait it out under the awning of a fancy restaurant near my house.
The waitresses were getting the place ready for tonight.
One came out and gave me a nice umbrella.
My faith in humanity has been restored.

Thanks for your cameo last night in my dream.

Hmm, will read this later.

Michael Deforge

PRINCE PRINCE PRINCE

Rebecca Lemire
Sev Elev
2008

www.theresthisthing.com

How have I not made it to a Drake Drive-In screening yet? I'm willing to wade through hipster vomit for Pee-Wee.

Girl 1: So you're back on the market?
Girl 2: I want to shoot you in the face.

I had the sense that if I was so terrific at it, it wasn't worth doing.
--Diane Arbus, on painting

CORKIN GALLERY

Group Exhibition Opening & Summer Party

Thursday July 30th from 5pm - 7pm

Join us on to celebrate the opening of a dynamic group exhibition

featuring the work of 25 renowned artists.

55 Mill Street Distillery District bldg 61 Toronto Canada M5A 3C4

info@corkingallery.com tel. 416.979.1980 www.corkingallery.com

Michael Deforge for The New York Times Magazine.

(I think Michael stopped talking to me for a while because I didn't really know who LC was either.)

"Actively enjoys snuggling"

SMART AND BEAUTIFUL, intellectually curious and athletic. Consultant/educator -- tall, slim with natural radiance. Adventurous with calm, warm demeanor, genuineness of character. Expressive, affectionate, divorced, 5’8’’. Laughs a lot, thinks deeply, politically liberal. Interested in social change, literature, politics, nature, beauty. Midwestern roots, international outlook, has lived abroad. Actively enjoys skiing, hiking Rockies or Whites, tapas in Barcelona, snuggling at home, Mozart sonatas (but can’t play despite years of lessons), Sunday Times, The Economist. Seeks healthy/active man (59-60s) with warmth and an intellectual bent – Boston area. Greta2222@aol.com; (781)439-722

The New York Review of Books personals: AMAZING.


Thanks lovely Valentine.

Love and Sandwiches

-- interesting article about a study that was sponsored by Hellmann's (mayonaise) that compared personality types with their sandwich choices.


according to this study those who prefer tuna sandwiches are, "competitive, easily irritated and intolerant of failure." (tbone1987???)

"Tuna-sandwich types are better off hanging with other tuna-sandwich types. Seafood salads and BLTs are a slam-dunk love connection. Egg-salad lovers get along with everybody, while ham-and-cheese types, apparently the players of the bread-and-lunch-meat set, function best without strong romantic entanglements."

p.s. I am a ham and cheese type of girl.

http://fuckyeahskinnybitch.tumblr.com


http://artsandcrafts.tumblr.com

I have to rewatch The Beach again to see if it is as fucking awesome as I remember.

http://fuckyeahskinnybitch.tumblr.com/

the things that anti-matter

dreams, decline and hysteria

Why I Hate America

Lou Dobbs did go there.

Photo: Sandro Michahelles for The New York Times

Alice in Wonderland, a Theatrical Essay on the End of Civilization

Will Arnett's dramatic reading of Are you there God? It's me, Margaret

http://tsutpen.blogspot.com

Why I'll hestitate to ever vote NDP again.

(I should add that I volunteered and worked for the NDP in high school and I know that there is a spreadsheet with these two names right next to each other (names are listed by address for door-to-door campaigning) as well as very very close together on alphabetical lists...what's even more amusing is that campaign literature is being wasted on two non-citizens.)

Rudolph Nureyev

http://tsutpen.blogspot.com/

Marcel Dzama
Boxers
2001

My preferred Toronto steak house.

The Tulip
1610 Queen St. E
Toronto, Ontario
M4L 1G2

The Tulip used to be filled with bookies (from the former Woodbine race track), locals, FOBs, and rich Jews all the way from Forrest Hill. Just like the area, the clientele is far more gentrified but the menus are nicer.
Also the woman who made the pie recently died. RIP.

You should go back to therapy to find out why your father hates the dome more than he loves you.

{fashion is love.}

You'd probably feel better if you stopped whoring it up with anonymous homeless men.  Standing in the soup kitchen lineup shouldn't count as speed dating.

Love Hotels: The Hidden Fantasy Rooms of Japan

Hungry Cougars

Excuse me, are you two in the military?

No.  We're gay.

Jeremy's Red Sox Run-Down for Alice

Tim Wakefield , 49
Pitcher
-longest serving current member of the Red Sox
-only pitcher in Baseball today who throws a knuckleball
-good to refer to him as a “knuckleballer”
-unique in the modern era
-having the best year he’s ever had at 40 years old
-on the bubble of getting 200 wins
-probably see him because he likes to pitch in the domes

Dustin Pedroia
Second Base
-everybody likes him a lot
-reigning MVP in the American League
-very short, the same height as me

David Ortiz
DH
-aka “big papi”
-had a very bad beginning of the season
-for the last month has been kicking all kinds of ass

Jason Bay
Left Field
-new to the team
-born in British Columbia
-became an American Citizen like a month ago

Aaron Bates
-brought in due to Mike Lowell’s injury
-no guarantee he’ll be playing but was on fire when I saw him, got like three hits

Josh Beckett
-nevermind, probably won’t play in this series

Kevin Youkilis
Filling in on Third Base, usually plays First
-in Boston, sounds like everyone is booing him because the fans chant “youuuuuuu”
-pretty good

Daniel Bard
Relief Pitcher
-first season, “dope”
-scares the shit out of everybody
-can throw 100 MPH

Jason Varatek
-team captain
-first captain since Jimmy Foxx (two x’s baby!) in 1942
-if anyone is the fan favourite, it’s him, having a pretty good year

http://www.youmightfindyourself.com/

London phonebooths are more interesting

I do yoga so that I can eat chocolate. Cadbury's milk. If I can't get 15 hours of sex in... I'll have a bar of chocolate. -- Sting

Most of Sting's quotations of the day on Sting.com seem to revolve around him making fun of Tantric sex. Sting, maybe you should call it your Joke about Tantric Sex Quote of the Day, huh yeah?

Valle de Bravo, Mexico
Gomez Crespo Arquitectos

Love ArchDaily.
Makes apartment hunting more grim, but also makes me more selective, which is good.