Edward Scissorhands' Mom

Avon is hiring.
I was reminded of Dianne Wiest as Peg Boggs in Edward Scissorhands, quintessential suburban mom and Avon lady extraordinaire.
Could I spend my summer (and possibly longer) trying to sell my girlfriends more lipstick?
Perhaps this promotional video will help me make my decision.

Swine Flu & Drug Lords

My new favourite $2.50 lunch is from La Tortilleria, in Kensington. Like most great snack places, the decor is too inauspicious to draw you in, but the rewards are...delicious. They're small and soft-shell, made on-site, and there are an assortment of meat and vegetable fillings. My only complaint is that they're not open late -- a nice chicken mole taco on the way home from The Boat would be ideal.

La Tortilleria
416.546.5516
68 Wales Ave.
Toronto

Boy Horse or Girl Horse?

The end is especially funny!

Diane Arbus
King and Queen of a Senior Citizens Dance
1970

Old News

J: I was feeling really positive until Barack Obama announced that they weren’t going to give any more bailout money to General Motors and Chrysler. I don’t want the company that made my car to go out of business—cause then I’ll be driving an anachonism. That’s why I’m glad I didn’t buy an Oldsmobile.
…I think the man is wiretapping us.
…Toyota apparently could buy GM, if it wanted to, with one third of its cash reserve. 1/3 of its MAD MONEY – it wouldn’t even have to sell any of its components, like GM is doing. They’re dropping SAAB like a hot potato – my dream car is a SAAB 93 convertible. There goes one of my reasons for living.

MW: Jeremy, it’s a little boxy.

J: It’s not boxy, it’s muscular.

When are you going to put up my pearls of wisdom on your blog?
I can't wait to go viral.

Feed the soul as well as feed the pythons.

TIME TO FEED THE PYTHONS, BROTHER[sp]!

--Jeremy W., of Colorado

NAM JUNE PAIK
TV Fish, 2004
2 aquariums, two 19" Samsung TVs model CT-5071 XVC, fish rocks, one channel original Paik video on DVD,
1 DVD player
Dimensions variable

Your Local Bank Teller

There is a bank teller named Joshua at the BMO Bay & College version. I recommend you make a transaction with him. He is quite pleasant, very helpful and extremely knowledgeable. Joshua, you will go far in this world.

Good Morning, Good Morning

Honestly I just like watching Thom Yorke's body move like that, it makes me laugh.
(Thanks Kat.)

Ira

Be sure to watch Ira Glass on the Colbert Report. It will be the most uncomfortable thing you've seen on television in a while.
I have also decided that once I have some disposable income, half of my charitable donations will be to radio.

I made it up myself, so let's call it "Twat-Nav"

Now that you and the sunshine have gone in, check out Iggy Pop's list of diva demands for a few laughs.

(Thanks Prof. Jeremy Weiss)

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Valentine: Your new computer is fabulous.
Alice: Thank you! Isn't it great watching television from my bed?
Valentine: I didn't go on your bed.
Alice: Yes you did. Nick told me so. And the sheets were rumpled.
Valentine: Yeah, it is great.

This phenomenon of the quick surrender to a white lie needs a name. Or does it already have one? It's arguably most prevalently used among adults, for most kids are too stubborn or invested in testing boundaries to so quickly give up. It can serves either a utilitarian function or a comic function. The two possible outcomes are of equal merit. Either the liar successfully dupes the receiver, thereby maintaining the illusion that he or she is better than in reality; or, the liar fails, and the receiver finds it amusing that the liar thought he or she could pass such a frivolous and obviously false piece of frivolous information as the truth, and, thanks to the laugh, the receiver's perception of the liar's person is only incrementally changed.

Walden Pond Revisited

Thaddeus Holowina
Thoreau's Cove
from Walden Pond Revisited
2001-2003

Enjoy more here.

While we're on the subject of conspiracies and opposing the man, who knew Franco could get more attractive? Spewing theories about 9/11 being an inside job seems to do the trick.

Emory Board

I know, that feeling of summer anticipation is wearing away on your skull like the aesthetician will on your freshly-cut finger nails, only to be painted a blood shade of red or a deep dark purple (I still can't decide).
You have nothing to complain about: the weather is warm (enough), you have a job (albeit unpaid) and one pesky exam for a course that, if your skim notes occasionally over the next two weeks, you'll get a mark roughly somewhere in the good enough to better-than-expected range.
The bathroom's spotless, your bed is made, and you have clean clothes to last at least the weekend. No reason to, or realistically to feel guilty about, moderately drinking and socializing for the next two or three nights.
The long walk home from work is even going to feel nice.
There is even an unexpected presence of testosterone in the building. These things can be sensed.
It's just that feeling of unknown...coupled with probably knowing...topped off with a lack of fear of the unknown...that's left you blank.

Richard Avedon

MLK BLVD

Chicago certainly had a few surprises. Some of these included:
1. Ira Glass's exaggerated, almost flamboyant, hand gestures.
2. The (seemingly) unattractive student population at Northwestern University
3. Free food at a bar in Evanston.
4. The most reliable, comprehensive and affordable public transit I've ever been on in North America.
5. PBR tall cans at 7-11 (this is always surprising).
6. Very few people begging for money, instead choosing to approach you directly, and quickly leave you alone if you wish. Even the homeless in the Midwest are friendly.
7. A totally insane collection of miniatures at The Art Institute. It both my mind, it blew the security guard's mind, it will blow your mind.
8. The impossibility of wandering through Barack Obama's neighbourhood and seeing the University of Chicago without first ending up on Martin Luther King Blvd. After taking an hour-long trip on the L down to the south side, sort of knowing what were getting our little selves into, we booked it out of there immediately after seeing the MLK sign. Over 700 cities in the United States have a street named after Martin Luther King, Jr. Most are located in the South, with 105 in Georgia, MLK Jr.'s home state. Popular American know-how includes knowing that if you're white and under 150 pounds, you should probably not frequent a street named after MLK. Not surprisingly, Chris Rock commented on this phenomenon:"If you find yourself on 'Martin Luther King Boulevard', run!"
9. Dan Savage made me cry when he talked about his recently deceased mother. (Note that I expected to cry with laughter when he joked about sounding or some other sexual perversity, not over hearing about his strained relationship with Catholicism.)
10. The impossibility of finding food in Chicago sans Cheese. Most things ARE better with cheese.

"AIDS likes being in a Vagina"

Almost unwatchable.

Chindogu

Hydrophobe’s Bath Body Suit
-Take a bath without getting wet
“The dry shave has already saved millions of man hours the world over. The dry bath is an even more radical concept, and with the potential for even greater impact on the way we live. The benefits are considerable. No need to undress. No need to dry, talc up and redress. You can experience all the warmth, comfort and therapeutic relaxation of the conventional bath, without the wetness. You can then get out of the bath, surrounding yourself with the cool air of the bathroom, without the unpleasant chill factor that so often spoils the end of bath experience for the wet and naked.
Such is the pleasure and convenience of the dry bath, that wearers of the body suit may be inclined to ‘soak’ for very long periods. This is to be discouraged, as resulting excessive perspiration may require the remedy of a conventional wet bath.”

Daddy Nurser
– Lets Dad experience the joys of motherhood
“The division of work and responsibility within the modern family is constantly up for revision. Yet there is one task that still falls inevitably to the mother: breast-feeding the infants. This Chindongu challenges one of the last bastions of sexual inequality, and allows Father to experience the joy of nourishing his baby from his own body – almost. If this device was adopted on a large scale, then the benefits in terms of father-child bonding and the feminisation(sp) of the male could produce greater love and understanding on a global scale.”

-Kenji Kawakami, The Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions

666

To the first person to read this post, thank you.
You are Werewolf's 667 visitor.

Reading List

“The depressed person was in terrible and unceasing emotional pain,” the story begins, “and the impossibility of sharing or articulating this pain was itself a component of the pain and a contributing factor in its essential horror.” Through the course of “The Depressed Person” the unlovable, self-absorbed girl shuttles between friends and therapists, looking for a sympathetic ear. Only with real human contact can she improve. Wallace’s story ends without a resolution. Green wanted to rewrite Wallace, so that in her last panel the depressed person would be cured. Wallace gave her permission. When he saw what she had done, he was happy. He told her that it was now a story that people would want to read.

-D.T. Max on David Foster Wallace

Happy Easter

Dear Alice,

May spring now
bring you all the good
it promised.

Much love,

Mom

Dad is already drunk, and I can smell the ham.