Edward Scissorhands' Mom

Avon is hiring.
I was reminded of Dianne Wiest as Peg Boggs in Edward Scissorhands, quintessential suburban mom and Avon lady extraordinaire.
Could I spend my summer (and possibly longer) trying to sell my girlfriends more lipstick?
Perhaps this promotional video will help me make my decision.

Swine Flu & Drug Lords

My new favourite $2.50 lunch is from La Tortilleria, in Kensington. Like most great snack places, the decor is too inauspicious to draw you in, but the rewards are...delicious. They're small and soft-shell, made on-site, and there are an assortment of meat and vegetable fillings. My only complaint is that they're not open late -- a nice chicken mole taco on the way home from The Boat would be ideal.

La Tortilleria
416.546.5516
68 Wales Ave.
Toronto

Boy Horse or Girl Horse?

The end is especially funny!

Diane Arbus
King and Queen of a Senior Citizens Dance
1970

Old News

J: I was feeling really positive until Barack Obama announced that they weren’t going to give any more bailout money to General Motors and Chrysler. I don’t want the company that made my car to go out of business—cause then I’ll be driving an anachonism. That’s why I’m glad I didn’t buy an Oldsmobile.
…I think the man is wiretapping us.
…Toyota apparently could buy GM, if it wanted to, with one third of its cash reserve. 1/3 of its MAD MONEY – it wouldn’t even have to sell any of its components, like GM is doing. They’re dropping SAAB like a hot potato – my dream car is a SAAB 93 convertible. There goes one of my reasons for living.

MW: Jeremy, it’s a little boxy.

J: It’s not boxy, it’s muscular.

When are you going to put up my pearls of wisdom on your blog?
I can't wait to go viral.

Feed the soul as well as feed the pythons.

TIME TO FEED THE PYTHONS, BROTHER[sp]!

--Jeremy W., of Colorado

NAM JUNE PAIK
TV Fish, 2004
2 aquariums, two 19" Samsung TVs model CT-5071 XVC, fish rocks, one channel original Paik video on DVD,
1 DVD player
Dimensions variable

Your Local Bank Teller

There is a bank teller named Joshua at the BMO Bay & College version. I recommend you make a transaction with him. He is quite pleasant, very helpful and extremely knowledgeable. Joshua, you will go far in this world.

Good Morning, Good Morning

Honestly I just like watching Thom Yorke's body move like that, it makes me laugh.
(Thanks Kat.)

Ira

Be sure to watch Ira Glass on the Colbert Report. It will be the most uncomfortable thing you've seen on television in a while.
I have also decided that once I have some disposable income, half of my charitable donations will be to radio.

I made it up myself, so let's call it "Twat-Nav"

Now that you and the sunshine have gone in, check out Iggy Pop's list of diva demands for a few laughs.

(Thanks Prof. Jeremy Weiss)

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Valentine: Your new computer is fabulous.
Alice: Thank you! Isn't it great watching television from my bed?
Valentine: I didn't go on your bed.
Alice: Yes you did. Nick told me so. And the sheets were rumpled.
Valentine: Yeah, it is great.

This phenomenon of the quick surrender to a white lie needs a name. Or does it already have one? It's arguably most prevalently used among adults, for most kids are too stubborn or invested in testing boundaries to so quickly give up. It can serves either a utilitarian function or a comic function. The two possible outcomes are of equal merit. Either the liar successfully dupes the receiver, thereby maintaining the illusion that he or she is better than in reality; or, the liar fails, and the receiver finds it amusing that the liar thought he or she could pass such a frivolous and obviously false piece of frivolous information as the truth, and, thanks to the laugh, the receiver's perception of the liar's person is only incrementally changed.

Walden Pond Revisited

Thaddeus Holowina
Thoreau's Cove
from Walden Pond Revisited
2001-2003

Enjoy more here.

While we're on the subject of conspiracies and opposing the man, who knew Franco could get more attractive? Spewing theories about 9/11 being an inside job seems to do the trick.

Emory Board

I know, that feeling of summer anticipation is wearing away on your skull like the aesthetician will on your freshly-cut finger nails, only to be painted a blood shade of red or a deep dark purple (I still can't decide).
You have nothing to complain about: the weather is warm (enough), you have a job (albeit unpaid) and one pesky exam for a course that, if your skim notes occasionally over the next two weeks, you'll get a mark roughly somewhere in the good enough to better-than-expected range.
The bathroom's spotless, your bed is made, and you have clean clothes to last at least the weekend. No reason to, or realistically to feel guilty about, moderately drinking and socializing for the next two or three nights.
The long walk home from work is even going to feel nice.
There is even an unexpected presence of testosterone in the building. These things can be sensed.
It's just that feeling of unknown...coupled with probably knowing...topped off with a lack of fear of the unknown...that's left you blank.

Richard Avedon

MLK BLVD

Chicago certainly had a few surprises. Some of these included:
1. Ira Glass's exaggerated, almost flamboyant, hand gestures.
2. The (seemingly) unattractive student population at Northwestern University
3. Free food at a bar in Evanston.
4. The most reliable, comprehensive and affordable public transit I've ever been on in North America.
5. PBR tall cans at 7-11 (this is always surprising).
6. Very few people begging for money, instead choosing to approach you directly, and quickly leave you alone if you wish. Even the homeless in the Midwest are friendly.
7. A totally insane collection of miniatures at The Art Institute. It both my mind, it blew the security guard's mind, it will blow your mind.
8. The impossibility of wandering through Barack Obama's neighbourhood and seeing the University of Chicago without first ending up on Martin Luther King Blvd. After taking an hour-long trip on the L down to the south side, sort of knowing what were getting our little selves into, we booked it out of there immediately after seeing the MLK sign. Over 700 cities in the United States have a street named after Martin Luther King, Jr. Most are located in the South, with 105 in Georgia, MLK Jr.'s home state. Popular American know-how includes knowing that if you're white and under 150 pounds, you should probably not frequent a street named after MLK. Not surprisingly, Chris Rock commented on this phenomenon:"If you find yourself on 'Martin Luther King Boulevard', run!"
9. Dan Savage made me cry when he talked about his recently deceased mother. (Note that I expected to cry with laughter when he joked about sounding or some other sexual perversity, not over hearing about his strained relationship with Catholicism.)
10. The impossibility of finding food in Chicago sans Cheese. Most things ARE better with cheese.

"AIDS likes being in a Vagina"

Almost unwatchable.

Chindogu

Hydrophobe’s Bath Body Suit
-Take a bath without getting wet
“The dry shave has already saved millions of man hours the world over. The dry bath is an even more radical concept, and with the potential for even greater impact on the way we live. The benefits are considerable. No need to undress. No need to dry, talc up and redress. You can experience all the warmth, comfort and therapeutic relaxation of the conventional bath, without the wetness. You can then get out of the bath, surrounding yourself with the cool air of the bathroom, without the unpleasant chill factor that so often spoils the end of bath experience for the wet and naked.
Such is the pleasure and convenience of the dry bath, that wearers of the body suit may be inclined to ‘soak’ for very long periods. This is to be discouraged, as resulting excessive perspiration may require the remedy of a conventional wet bath.”

Daddy Nurser
– Lets Dad experience the joys of motherhood
“The division of work and responsibility within the modern family is constantly up for revision. Yet there is one task that still falls inevitably to the mother: breast-feeding the infants. This Chindongu challenges one of the last bastions of sexual inequality, and allows Father to experience the joy of nourishing his baby from his own body – almost. If this device was adopted on a large scale, then the benefits in terms of father-child bonding and the feminisation(sp) of the male could produce greater love and understanding on a global scale.”

-Kenji Kawakami, The Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions

666

To the first person to read this post, thank you.
You are Werewolf's 667 visitor.

Reading List

“The depressed person was in terrible and unceasing emotional pain,” the story begins, “and the impossibility of sharing or articulating this pain was itself a component of the pain and a contributing factor in its essential horror.” Through the course of “The Depressed Person” the unlovable, self-absorbed girl shuttles between friends and therapists, looking for a sympathetic ear. Only with real human contact can she improve. Wallace’s story ends without a resolution. Green wanted to rewrite Wallace, so that in her last panel the depressed person would be cured. Wallace gave her permission. When he saw what she had done, he was happy. He told her that it was now a story that people would want to read.

-D.T. Max on David Foster Wallace

Happy Easter

Dear Alice,

May spring now
bring you all the good
it promised.

Much love,

Mom

Dad is already drunk, and I can smell the ham.

Best of White Girl

Family Values

Here's something you don't see everyday: three young boys delivering newspapers, literally throwing them on doorsteps. I realize this makes me sound like a pedophile, sorry. I'm just glad we're returning to the "good ol'days." Morality, goodness and apple pie.

The only good part, initially, about leaving Japan and moving to Canada was watching Leave it to Beaver and The Beverley Hillbillies with my then-unemployed father while eating too many Oreos. The Beverley Hillbillies is one of America's most successful television series of all time, believe it or not. I think this gives a much more accurate impression of what most of America actually is, unlike Seinfeld.

Oh, and by the way, upon re-watching the opening credits to Leave it to Beaver, I noticed for the first time how much Jerry Mathers actually LOOKS LIKE A BEAVER. Weird.

It's Friday, cheers.

You Need Me : April 9th, 2009

Nas - Illmatic

Enough has been written about this record since it first came out to fill several books. Though not my favourite hip hop album of all time, I think it is the most essential for several reasons. The first and most important is that it that is essentially the turning point in hip hop, from old school to new school. Old school-New school junctures happened very often, potentially in 1981, 1983, 1985, 1988, 1991, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996 etc. Basically every time someone pushed the envelope in this way or that. There have been hip hop purists wishing for a return to "real hip hop" since the Sugarhill Gang. However, in my opinion it was in 1994 that should forever mark that change. It's that year that the South, West, Mid-west, and East coast all started performing at less niche level, a year when you had acts like Biggie, Tupac, and Big Daddy Kane performing together at Madison Square Garden. There was so many different sounds, and this was when rap really went from being one of the popular forms of pop music, to being the quintessential sound of North American mainstream culture. Rather than simply drawing from other genres stylistically as it had from the beginning, hip hop was not noticable in every space, from rock to electro, etc.


What makes Illmatic so important in this regard is that it is perhaps simultaneously the start of this new era, and also the bridge. With its flawless production it married the new york underground street sound and lyrical subject matter, with a faster more modern flow. Talk of gunplay and drug dealing with 5%-er asiatic black man mythology and existential queries. To think that Nas was only 19 when he started working on it, and only 20 when it was released is pretty mindboggling.

There are obviously a bunch of other records that came out in the same year that were similarly important and influencial; most of all Ready to Die which is also marked the new era. To me, that album sounds more modern generally than Illmatic. It is even more of a marker of what was to come.

What inspired me to write this was that I am sitting in the sunshine in the library, and I am kind of hot. I might even be uncomfortable if I really thought about it. But my excitement for summer makes the rays on my back stimuatling enough that I can just indulge in a fantasy that it's June. Illmatic is similar to that for me; it excites me and makes me want to go outside. I think hip hop has to be fun, even when it's taking itself pretty seriously, and Illmatic is a great example of that. From back when I was listening to it on a discman at bus stops, to now when I dig it up out of my scratched up and sluggishly full 80 gig ipod, it still provides great aural pleasure.

Buy it here.

Publish Post

Download it here.

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT BE CAUGHT DOING AT A BAR

Tonight I'm going to the St. Mike's end-of-the-year party.
It's going to be awesome. And I have only three things to accomplish by the night's end:
1. Make out with Tony.
2. Make out with Marco.
3. Make out with Tony, Marco, and Giovanni.

I have to admit it's getting better

Ira Glass

I can hardly contain my excitement. Next week, next Sunday, I'll be in a theater in Chicago with my two (podcast) idols: Ira Glass and Dan Savage. Every year This American Life puts on a live show in Chicago and invites a few of its favourite contributors. Inviting Dan was a no-brainer: He's intelligent, too attractive for radio (like Ira), and a Chicago native.

Alas, my motivations for visiting Chicago aren't purely based on seeing (read: sleeping with) my favourite Jew/Catholic pair since Ben Stiller and Edward Norton in the underrated "Keeping the Faith." I'm thinking about attending graduate school in the windy city. Columbia College has a Arts Management MA that has caught my eye. Visiting Chicago to see if I could make it my home for at least a couple of years is also a no-brainer. Chicago has magnificent architecture, a very vibrant and prestigeous art scene, and a number of America's top universities. Columbia College is not, as far as I know, among them; however, my GPA will not be getting me in to the Art Institute in this lifetime. Also, I a came across a guidebook to Chicago's numerous impressive murals at Balfour recently. Awesome, I totally dig murals.

Anyway, back to what's important: the beauty of Ira Glass. For a few months, loyally tuning into the show every week, I was under the impression that Ira was in his early 30s, maybe even 35 or so. Then I tuned into this interview with him by Charlie Rose, and much to my shock and horror, Ira was nearly 50! There went my wedding plans...

The interview, by the way, is fantastic. He talks alot about his apprehension to make a This American Life television show because he wasn't sure if the stories he likes to cover would benefit from visuals. Further, he was afraid that having to only cover stories that would be improved on television would draw them away from their original purpose. He concludes, of course, that the radio show and television show are two completely separate entities, not to be compared. I have yet to the see the television show. More required viewing to add to my list.

Idolatry

William Eggleston

THE WA

My friend "VI" (vice intern) advised that Werewolf could improve by being less of an event promoter and more of a blog. So I'm taking his advice and advising you NOT to go to THE WA launch party tonight.
Wink.

Also I won't be bringing my flask because someone stepped on it,
George.
Wink.

Read THE WA here.
Look inside for even more Young Adult necessary tracks.

SecretTrois

Late night studying with an ear ache calls for some late night youtubing. Some of my favourite youtube videos that I watch time and time again for a good laugh are made by three husslin' ladies from D.C. SecretTrois is comprised of Toi, Armistice and Beautifuuuul (you can guess which one is that).

Without further ado, SecretTrois:


check the monopoly money @ 1:28



This ^ is my favourite one. It's the god damn clap and snap.


Watch till the end.


Oh yeah, I'm probably their number one fan.

Hard Times

(Or what to tell your parents when they accuse you of not doing your part during an economic downturn)

A recession favourite of mine.

I have a strange habit of eating beans out of cans even in times of prosperity. I recommend Unico's three bean medley; however, any Italian grocery will offer even better options, at a higher cost of course, and therefore somewhat defeating the purpose.

Come On, Come On

Werewolf's excited for the new season of "Rescue Me," aren't you?

According to the NY Times, the 5th season ushers in a whole bag of surprises -- Franco calling 9/11 an inside job, near-suicides motivated by Madoff-esque ponzi scheme investments, and a new character played by an ailing Michael J. Fox (Alex P. Keaton may be my #1 television crush). Even better, the season will have 22 episodes, compared to the typical measly 12 or 13 of your average cable network show. I hope the show recovers from its 4th season slump and returns back to the glory of its first three seasons...fingers crossed.

The new season starts April 7.
Download it here.
(Thanks VI at VGA Card.)

You Need Me : April 6th, 2009

The Dream - Love Vs. Money

One of things I've outgrown since I was 16 is that when shit is not going well, I avoid sad bastard music. After a break-up or I dropped my dinner on the floor, I'd put on Elliot Smith or some shit like that to ruminate with. As I've gotten older my attitude has changed completely. Now I throw on some RNB, like Kellz or Usher. Nothing beats the blues quicker than Confessions Pt. 2.

The-Dream's new album has been described as one of the best pop albums of the last decade. I completely agree; it's got notes of Prince, Justin Timberlake (specifically LoveFutureSexSounds), the good parts of T-Pain, and yes, R. Kelly. I walked out of a hard test into an April blizzard this evening, and silently sung "I'm all up on you, like a monster truck". Ay, fun is a good thing, and this album is that. I've listened to it a million times in the month it has been out, and it's fresh as ever. My summer has got a lot of this in it.

Buy it here.
Download it here.

"A Vagina Full of AIDS"

This is the kind of freak show that Dan Savage repeatedly refers to with a special Savage blend of disgust and horror in his podcast, books and political commentary. I had previously resisted acquainting myself with such ignorance, but now, thanks to the lovely Andrew Sullivan, have no choice but to face.

More from Jesusophile to come.

R U Still In 2 It

My good friend Kelly is moving to Washington on Thursday. I plan to visit in June. I think this photograph is a good preview of who I'll be spending most of my time with (sorry Kell). Hey, I had a vegetable garden when I was a kid, I'm happy to help Michelle!

In all honesty, Washington sounds sick -- all the museums are free, there are palm trees, and recently a bar called "Madame's Organ" in the Adams Morgan section of DC was recommended to me by a visiting linguist. We decided that a great way to torture the hungover would be to speak only in spoonerisms. Try it out this weekend.

All the best Kelly, and be sure to keep Werewolf updated on your DC adventures.
And yes Barack, I'm still into it.

Holly Springs, Mississippi

Father Blackwell, 2007

I bet it's not snowing in Mississippi...
This is much better.
(Anyone else notice a resemblance to Derek?)

From the Fields

Local Kensington babe Derek Brunelle will be live on CIUT tonight hosting his weekly show,

FROM THE FIELDS
Sundays
Midnight-2AM
On CIUT 89.5FM
[www.ciut.fm]

Werewolf's going to call in (416-946-7800) and pledge (her love), so should you!

New Jersey

(Beautiful) Eliza Kovnat, 2008

You Need Me : April 4th, 2009

David Bowie – Hunky Dory

Hello. This is my first time and I’m a little shy. Please excuse any missteps I make. Hunky Dory is such a masterpiece and I don’t know what I am doing here, but this makes up for it. Every song is so good, and this album is so fun. I like listening to it while my girlfriend makes me French toast on a rainy afternoon or when the sun is shining down the street and I close my eyes as I walk. You might not like it, but I think you’d really have to try hard not to. It’s a lot of fun and is good to sing along to. The only problem with it is that it makes a lot of other bands irrelevant because they are trying to do this and obviously miss the mark by a wide margin forty years in the future.

Buy it here
Download it here

Tommy & The Tall Girls

Tonight @ 11:30
Molly Bloom's
PWYC

(Photograph by Vuk Dragojevic, 2008)

Michigan

Dan Epstein, 2008

Silhouettes

The Strandzas final concert is on April 10, 2009.
On the rooftop of 62 Brunswick, just like the Beatles in 1969.
I've been to every show but one -- Yoko Ono much?
Some of the Strandzas greatest hits have been Please Don't Stop the Music, Semi-Charmed Kind of Life, and Silhouettes.
Does anyone know what happened to the guy who sang Please Don't Stop the Music? He sure was cute.
More Strandzas reflections to come in this historic week before the final show.

Logo courtesy of Michael Deforge.

Arizona

Laura Legge, 2008

My Neck My Back

What me and my ladies be spinin tonight. Alright, all night.

Other dirty videos.

Bacon.. Sexy?

I know there is a large following for bacon. It's great because it's really hard to mess it up and its an excellent addition to soups, salads, marinates, etc. The best bacon I've purchased came from an organic store in Kensington Market. I forget the name of the store but its near Exile and basically down the street from the weird Rasti men on the west side.

Has anyone ever been to Hardee's in the US? (Maybe Harvey's ripped them off?) They have the "Western Bacon Thickburger"

Padma Lakshmi stars in their commercial. She makes eating a buger soo sexy.



I am sure everyone read the NYT's article about the bacon roll. It was very popular around the time of this years Super Bowl. I decided to make a variation of it for a Super Bowl party/feast my friend was having. It didn't turn out the way it was supposed to because I didn't buy market bacon. So I decided to turn it into a bacon pizza:
The toppings were mushrooms, green peppers, onions, jalapenos and cheese. The bacon acted like a pizza crust. It was a heart attack and a half.

100 pornographic video clips, layered, all at once

April 3, 2009
8-11
107 Shaw

Love'r magazine presents:

"London-based director, Jaron Albertin, known for creating avant garde and weirdly eerie music videos for artists such as Cut Copy, Emily Haines (Metric) and Dave Gahan (Depeche Mode), loops hundreds of overlapping porno clips simultaneously. The video installation will be on display for its first public showing."

Peep the facebook invite here.

Tonight!

This modern thought will get the best of you

Dan Flavin (1933-1996)
monument 4 for those who have been killed in ambush
(to P.K. who reminded me about death)
1966

"I was born (screaming) a fraternal twin twenty-four minutes before my brother David, in Mary Immaculate Hospital, Jamaica, New York, at about seven in the morning on a wet Saturday, April Fool's Day, 1933, of an ascetic, remotely male, Irish Catholic truant officer whose junior I am, and a stupid, fleshy tyrant of a woman who had descended from German royalty without a trace of nobility." -- Dan Flavin

Following a brief, forced stint in the seminary, Flavin worked with fluorescent tubing nearly exclusively over the course of his artistic career. Much of his work is not nearly as dark as the piece above, and tends to be interpreted solely through a Catholic lens. Fair enough -- if you hastily abandon your Priest career and then your only material is light, you're pretty much bringing this interpretation on yourself (How Catholic!).

After refusing to having anything to do with the Catholicism after the age of eighteen, Flavin, dying in his mid-60s, sketched out the plans for an installation to "modernize" a Chuch in a run-down section of Milan. He was moved to do this following a personal letter from the Priest,
one of the most powerful things I've ever read. (Dan showed it to me personally. Not really. I just couldn't find it on the internet. Do your own academic research if you want to read it.)


Oh, and the woman behind the project thinks Flavin and his installation helped to inspire her eldest son to join the Priesthood. Somehow I don't think that was Dan's intent...
If you want to read more about this minimalist master, this article isn't a bad place to start.

This seems like a good place to plug future Mourning Werewolf exclusive, Absent Fathers, Absent Sons, an essay by Dr. Tom Avis.

(Also, I got an internship at the Corkin Gallery for the summer.)

Key Lime Pie

Let me start off by saying that I am very close with my girlfriends from high school and one of the things that keeps us close is our love for food. It sometimes is taken to extremes but we tend to bond over our latest creations, iron chef, and various food websites.
Laura called me today at 10am asking if I knew what was in key lime pie (KLP). To be honest, I have never actually tried KLP unless they had it at Burwash...although I am pretty sure they didn't. I did a tastespotting search and found this recipe from www.thekitchensinkrecipes.com. I chose it because it had condensed milk as one of the four ingredients (re: shona snax). This is honestly the simplest thing I have ever baked. On a scale of 1-10, I would give it a 2.3. In taste, I would give it a 6.7. It would have tasted better had I allowed the pie to chill the full eight hours and if I had whip cream.

I suggest you have a slice of this KLP with a stiff G&T.... hint hint Alice.

The photo is of Laura's KLP. (Caryn's camera won't connect to my Mac so I can't upload my version)

R.I.P., Fun

Heard you're feeling better these days. If you have the time (yes), another collaboration with Elton, thanks.