Dear Jimmy,
I picked up this postcard of you when I was fifteen because I thought you were cute and funny.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate you on accomplishing so much with your career over these last seven years. You are now the host of your very own show! I've heard it's not very funny, but maybe it will get better? I'm admittedly a little bitter that Conan is no longer in New York. He's just such a New York kinda guy. I will work hard to put this undeserved hostility to rest.
Love always,
Alice

He's not even President anymore!
--jaded and disgruntled youth on Clinton's speech today

And the Pursuit of Happiness, by Maira Kalman: I Lift My Lamp Beside the Golden Door

Goodbye Matthew!

I even deleted thirty-four facebook friends in your honour.

LADIES: IF YOU DANCE WITH GOD, HE'LL LET THE PERFECT GUY CUT IN.

My new obsession, brought to us by Facebook: Abstinence Isn't Easy, But Neither are You

There's just so much material here that it's hard to know where to start.

Discussion topics include:

Nudity...Is it the same as sex?

Anal: A great way to maintain one's virginity?

Masturbation: Good or Bad

This might get old fast, but for now I kinda dig it.
EDIT: GREAT ALBUM. (Optimistic Werewolf!)

Jon Hamm Fantasy: Ruined.

...I know that reading isn't as easy to do as turning on a television or getting on the Internet or twittering or whatever else you have to do in this modern society, but it's way more rewarding.

THANKS A LOT, OPRAH.

Ladies, throw out that silk!

EL: Do men really care what you’re wearing?

Dr. PA: If he just wants sex he doesn’t care what you’re wearing. If you have a vagina that’s all he cares about. But if he’s looking for someone to relate to then he cares. Think like you’re going to an interview.

EL: What shouldn’t you wear?

Dr. PA: Don’t wear silk, silk sweats and shows anxiety. I don’t want you to sweat in front of him. It gives away the store. Then he can muscle power you into sex. And you give away the whole thing, all because you wore silk. Men are very visual.

More from Dr. Pat Allen...

John and Ava, perhaps this might make you reconsider Australia.

"Keeping a family is truly some gangster shit."

The upside? Good material for Knight's memoir.

I call this one "MMMMMMM alone at the corporate-sponsored vegetable plate drinking delicious corporate beer."
The culmination of my university career, perhaps? Meh, ok.

Sex as the filter

HBO & Dan Savage -- my two favourites -- are working on a Savage Love pilot.
I'm obviously intrigued, but am super super super hesitant about this for two reasons: first, I don't want to watch ugly people talk about sex; second, the description that the show "will focus on current events and cultural trends with sex as the filter" makes me cringe. Isn't sex always the filter? I guess we'll have just to wait and see. This at least sounds better than "Dan Savage: The Musical," also in the works.

Sheron Rupp
Untitled (Bayside,Ontario,Canada)
1995

American apocalypse

In a poll from Slate about scenarios most likely to cause the end of America, gay marriage ranks 39/144, just below hyperinflation (a more likely scenario in a fiat-money economy) and above militant Islam.

What can I say? These people deserve everything they get.

Ben Katchor

Margaux Young, 2009

Summer is finally here!
It's not going to last though.
No time for blogging, I'll be outside instead. 

Wow. Africa is such a babe. Those guys do not stand a chance with her!

French Chris at the drive-in

NJ, 1979

Greer and Robert on the bed

NYC, 1982

Simon and Jessica in the shower

Paris, 2001

I think it is honsety in Nan Goldin's work that prevents her pictures from being schlocky.

And yes, schlocky is a word.

I still get anxious thinking about running in gym class.
I wasn't the fat kid, but I was always a mere few paces ahead of the fat kid.
My tentatiave status among the cool kids was always the most tentative on the track.
To this day, one of my greatest accomplishments was becoming a special helper to Mr.E, my last gym teacher. I kept track of my fellow students' running times, distances, among other statistics. Mr. E gave me my one and only phys ed "A".

So, in yet another effort to slowly, one-by-one, overcome a long-list of childhood traumas, I've decided to take up running. My efforts will probably fail (I know, I know, what a great attitude to start with), but my mom told me last night that perfection shouldn't be a priority.

One of my favourite excuses for not running is the classic knee excuse: "I don't run because it's bad for your knees." Wrong. I don't run because I'm lazy. Coincidentally, the NY TIMES published this article today questioning this very belief. Seems like a sign to shape up.

The. Best. Thing. I've. Done. In. A. While.
They deserve better venues.
And fewer frat boys.

Signs of the Apocalypse

He wrote books, then he died.
--William Faulkner, on what a writer's obituary should read

kanye

Diseases I'm Glad Aren't Sexually Transmitted.

BY SCOTT DOMANSKY

cancer

alcoholism

avian flu

scabies

illiteracy

leprosy

disco fever

polio

sleep apnea

shame

More Lists

Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful.

BY JEN STATSKY

yo Abe, r u still going 2 the theatr 2nite? hve a weird feeling bout it, y dont u and mary cum by here instead? dont wnt 2 talk about slavery all nite tho, its my weekend 2 u kno? txt me back

hey just wnted 2 give the heads up, CC on way w 3 shps, want 2 colonize u. dont giv n unless u think casinos r gr8. txt me back

hey u, horse = greeks. dont let in. did i leave my toga @ ur place? txt me back

wut up Romeo, its ur boy the friar. gave ur girl sum shit, not dead. mayb u could giv it 2 her in her sleep tho lol. brunch tomoro? txt me back

british r cuming, british r cuming, british r cuming. dont feel like goin out 2nite but txt me back 2 let me kno u got this

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Signs Your Doctor May Be Coming On to You.

BY WENDY MOLYNEUX


He asks you to turn your head to the side and say "I love you."

He Photoshops his picture onto an X-ray of your heart.

His lab coat says "Tight Butts Drive Me Nuts" on the back.

When you lie down on the examination table, he insists on spooning.

Before examining you, he washes his hands in Obsession by Calvin Klein.

He tells you that you have "sexy cancer."

While giving you a Pap smear, he "finds" an engagement ring,

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Fortune-Cookie Messages Appropriate for Dickens Characters.

BY JULIA McCLOY AND TRAVIS TYLER

Your streak of meeting weird people with preposterous names will continue unabated.

You are never selfish with your advice or your help, even when you are dead.

Smiling can make you feel and look younger and less like an orphan.

A firm friendship will be your secret to financial success. That and realizing you were rich all along.

You bring cheer to children and the elderly as well as TB.

You will meet an ugly stranger. He is your father.

It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. Your lucky numbers are 45, 17, and 23

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dethjunkie

APPARENTLY MY ACADEMIC CAREER HAS DEVOLVED INTO DRINKING AND PLAYING MAGNETIC DARTS WHILE WRITING.

Got caught today in the thunderstorm with a backpack full of library books and handwritten notes.
Tried to wait it out under the awning of a fancy restaurant near my house.
The waitresses were getting the place ready for tonight.
One came out and gave me a nice umbrella.
My faith in humanity has been restored.

Thanks for your cameo last night in my dream.

Hmm, will read this later.

Michael Deforge

PRINCE PRINCE PRINCE

Rebecca Lemire
Sev Elev
2008

www.theresthisthing.com